Tag Archives: funny kid moments

follow the jellybean road

We do a lot of activities for our extrovert, Sophie, which means our introvert, Luc, sometimes gets dragged around to aikido or horseback riding or playdates when he would rather stay home.  To balance things out, we have regular Luc Choose Days.  Often on Luc Choose Day, he says, “Stay home,” and we play legos or watch movies or build sand castles and he’s happy as a clam, doing his little Luc things.

But last week, when we declared a Luc Choose Day, he surprised us by saying, “Candy Store.”

Good choice!

The candy store we go to is actually this huge gourmet food store, with kitchen stuff, cookbooks, coffees, wines, and I don’t know what all.  But forget all that stuff—the important part to us is the tower of chocolate bars, the fancy Italian truffles for $5 a pop, the novelty candy aisle, the glass jars full of interesting bulk items, plus gummi bugs, marzipan fruit, lollipops as big as your head, and on and on and on…   Anyway, I had forgotten about upcoming Easter, so imagine our surprise when we got there and found…

Jellybean Road!

That is, the Easter Bunny had put jellybean decals on the floor in a winding dotted line up one aisle and down another, through the store to an unknown destination. Delighted, we started following the trail, singing, “Follow the jellybean road…follow the jellybean road…”  Because everyone knows all good adventures have to start with a song.

Well, after a long journey full of many daring escapes and close calls, we finally found ourselves face to face with [cue sacred music] the Wall! O! Jellybeans!  That’s right, a twenty foot long, ten foot high wall of jellybeans, I mean, there must be every flavor known to human, including weird ones like popcorn, jalapeno, and birthday cake.  It’s mind boggling.  And not only that?  Apparently, it was all on sale.

Score!

We handed out the plastic bags and started loading up.  Some of this, some of that, some of that other one over there, no the purple one!—there must be fifty kinds of jellybeans, plus another fifty kinds of weird candy on that one wall.  What you do is you put your bag up under a given spout, pull down a lever and the candy starts pouring out.  It’s Willy Wonka’s chocolate waterfall!  Except with jellybeans!

At one point in the mayhem, I actually incurred a jellybean related injury.  The Very Cherry jellybean lever was stuck so I gave it a tug and woosh, a torrent of Very Cherry started streaming out like lava.  I slammed the lever back in a panic—and caught my thumb in the lever.

Ouch!

But no matter.  It was only a flesh wound.  Our bags full, we wandered over to the glassed in section to admire the many gorgeous truffles in the shapes of small animals.  A mouse!  A chick!  A cow!  Okay, some not so small.  But there we met Miss Stacey from the chocolate egg department who seemed half asleep until suddenly, her eyes bulged out of her head and she said, “I declare!” and pointed at my thumb.  Yes, she really said that.  This is the South, after all.  Anyway, it turns out, in all the excitement, I hadn’t realized my thumb was dripping blood.

Ewwww!

While Miss Stacey hurried off to cookbooks to get me a band-aid (because apparently, that’s where they keep them), we added some hazelnut truffle eggs and malt eggs to our haul.  Because we could.  Then we checked out—the whole stash only cost 11 bucks, wow.  And a complimentary band-aid from Miss Stacey who found us in the check out aisle.  Honestly, from the look on her face, I’m surprised she didn’t yell “Universal Precautions!” and send a swarm of Haz-Mat suits to pin me to the floor.  But all was well, my blood was contained.  And it was worth it.

The car was quiet on the way home, unless you count the sound of chewing, “mmmm!”, and “This one is [insert weird flavor here]!” and “Here, try this one!” They made a dent but there was still a respectable pile of goodies by the time we got home.

These were Sophie’s favorite, rock candy, that is, candy that looks like rocks:

It’s chocolate inside, with fruity cordials in different flavors.  The kids thought it was hilarious to say (over and over and over), “I went to the Candy Store on Luc Choose Day and all I got was a bunch of rocks.” Giggle, giggle.  Nom, nom.  Giggle.

Candy is pretty close to magic to small people.  I say, the more magic, the better.

costumes make everything more fun

Having the right costume is the difference between trudging through one’s day, and silly, zany, fun. Boring, every day, regular events can take on a mythic feel when the proper costume is employed. Even a funny hat can help.   I’m really serious about this.  Right now, think of something you do every day that is boring, and instead, try it in costume.  Go on—try it!  I double dare you.

Here, let the masters demonstrate.

Eating breakfast….


…becomes, “Daddy, I’m going to get you with my hook and make your bones into soup! As soon as I finish my cheerios.”

Asking for snacks…

…becomes being a Monster Queen! Commanding me to bring snacks!

Checking for eggs…

…becomes being Princesses searching for magic eggs.  That’s Sophie’s bff, Zetta, by the way.

Sweeping the deck….

…becomes Ms. Witch and her Flying Broom!

Games, too, are enhanced.  For example, blowing bubbles…

…becomes Wizard Luc and his Magic Wand!

And of course, you have to suit up to play video games.

But this last one shows total dedication, way beyond the silly hat level.  Full-on commitment to the fun of dressing up:

Four year old Sophie is watching her then-favorite movie, Kiki’s Delivery Service, dressed completely as Kiki in a costume of her own design: black/purple dress, red scarf, little red shoes, and, of course, a broom.

I was skeptical, but they have convinced me.  Really, dressing up in costumes is terrific fun.  When did I lose that knowledge?  Did I ever have it?  I’m serious: try a funny hat next time you’re feeling bored.  It will change your day.

No, I am not posting a picture of me in a funny hat.   Get over it.

to do lists

I was waiting for Luc to put on his shoes this morning, something he really wanted to do himself, which is fine, but it can take a while and we were running late. I was counting my deep breaths and fighting the urge to just do it for him, which he would hate, when finally, in a funny-friendly-exasperated voice, I said, “Dude, come on, I’ve got things to do!”

He looked up calmly and said, “I have more things to do than you do, Mom.”

Surprised, and, I have to admit, a bit skeptical, I said, “You do?”

“Yes.”

I started counting off on my fingers. “I’ve got laundry, dishes, clean up the yurt, get ready for your birthday party, write a novel, do yoga, and be sweet to you every chance I get. What have you got?”

He counted on his fingers, too. “I’ve got to blow bubbles, find my pirate hat, wait for my movie to come from netflix, draw a picture of a liopleurodon because I haven’t done that one yet, play outside, poop, and do my dragon puzzle. And find some leaves for my sculpture. That’s more than you.”

It’s just the old standard way of thinking, isn’t it, that would value my list as more important than his. But it’s not. Not to him. And why would what is important to one human (me) be more valid than what is important to another human (him)? We’re at different parts of life, sure, but one age is not more important than another age. He knows that. I guess I needed the reminder.

“Wow,” I said. “I stand corrected. You’re a busy guy.”

“Yes. I am.” He finished his shoes. Cue the celebration! “Okay, I’m ready.”

Have I mention how much I love him?

(And for anyone who might not know, a liopleurodon is an ocean dwelling pliosaur, as long as a blue whale, with wicked, spooky teeth. I looked it up.)

2 stories, 1 joke, and a song

Story #1

Sophie was drawing an huge, scary, creature-looking thing last night and I asked her who it was.

“This guy is the meanest guy in the whole world. His name is Peacock Stink-poot! He has the stinkiest poots in the whole universe! When he poots, they can smell it all the way in China! His eyelashes are so long, when he is at the zoo, his eyelashes are at the grocery store! He has people who work for him who go out and be MEAN. They sneak up on you when you’re asleep and GRAB you and throw you in a dungeon where you have to eat all the time and only watch tv and they just keep watching you! Until you’re six! And then they throw you in the potty!”

Me: “Wow. So, um, how did he become so evil?”

Sophie: “When he died of old age, he was shot with an invisible gun that turned him into a MONSTER! So he really can’t help it. His teeth are brown and they stink so bad he has flies flying through his mouth. GROSS! And his head is green, and his feet are orange, and his hair is all colors. See?” [shows all color hair on the drawing]

Me: “Amazing. What happened to him?”

Sophie; “In episode 44, he lost his hair, but then he found it in his shoes. And his arms are shiny blue. They explain that in episode 21. No one can resist the color of his arms!”

Story #2

Luc walked into the room this morning looking thoughtful. I said, “Hey, guy, what’s up?” And he answered, “Well, I had to poop. There was a long one and a short one. I thought they would both go down, but the long one went down and the short one stayed up. But it was okay. And that’s the story.”

Me: laughing

A Joke

Luc was eating sardines for lunch the other day. And he was naked. It is very hard to get that little boy to leave his clothes on! Anyway, as is wont to happen when a 3 year old eats, he dribbled sardine all down his front. And, being naked, I mean ALL the way down. (Ewwww!)

Sophie happened to walk by and said, in this totally dry voice, “Looks like Mr. Willy went fishing.”

Ba-dum-bump!

A Song

Luc: “Mom, can I have some ice cream?”

Me: “Yes.”

Luc: [singing to himself] That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh, I liiike it, uh huh, uh huh!

don’t feed the animals

Here we see Cheetah Girl and Lion Boy devour the carcasses of several lollipops.

Lion Boy, rubbing his lollipop all over his lips and chin, announced, “I’m making it red because my face is covered with BLOOD!”

What is it about a tiny child being ferocious that is so…cute?

Don’t tell him I said that.

they know how to party

The kids are jaw-droppingly able to have fun anywhere, anyhow, anytime. Case in point: the grocery store yesterday. I mean, woohoo Harris Teeter, right? Um, no. Not usually. Although I have heard that the Harris Teeter can be quite the pick-up spot for singles on Friday nights, I tend to equate grocery shopping with running a gauntlet of Klingons well stocked with those pain stick thingies. No, thank you.

But see, that’s just the wrong state of mind. Sophie and Luc are all about taking the party with them, and Harris Teeter is no exception. From running into the cart area yelling “Rocket Cart!” to the end when they get their balloons, it’s all good. Of course, we tend to get balloons in the beginning, because, hey, why not? And maybe it was these balloons, tied to the sides of the rocket, that gave such a party atmosphere to our shopping trip. Or maybe it was that they had decided tiaras were not optional on this journey for deli chicken, half-n-half, and bananas. Or maybe it was making rocket noises and launch count-downs as we moved through the aisles. I don’t know, but I do know they were having a really good time, grocery store or no.

At one point, after the brain suck of trying to determine the relative benefits of an assortment of cereals, I found them huddled down, singing a little song, talking in little voices…

They were eating gummy bears—yes, I opened the pack in the grocery store, I’m one of those Moms—only they weren’t just eating them, or, not all of them. Apparently, if you lick the bottom of a bear, it will stick rather nicely to your skin, and they were setting them up in a gummy bear party configurations on their thighs, giving each little bear a different voice, and having a jolly (jelly?) good time.

“I see,” I said. “Cool. But don’t stick them to the cart, okay?”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll throw up if I think of you eating all those germs. Not to mention it makes the seat sticky for the next kid.” As if that seat isn’t already a cesspool of stick. But still.

“Oh. Okay.” Luc offers his thigh. “You want one?”

“Thank you, sweetheart. But, um, that would be a no.

Have you seen those gigantic rocket carts? They’re super-long, like parade floats. Imagine the kids, with their balloons, tiaras, and gummy bear attendants—it was a total Have Party Will Travel situation. What an amazing skill! Did I ever have that skill? I want that skill! I mean, wearing a tiara to the grocery store would never occur to me, and I was dubious when Luc (yes, Luc) suggested it. But he was totally right. It WAS fun. How did he know? I bow before my masters. May I learn to party one tenth as well as they can.

When we got home the kids ran off to do the next thing. The gummy bears organized a civil war reenactment. The kids thought this was hilarious. And then they ate them.

I love my job

Last night, after much flopping, and adjusting, and pulling of covers, Sophie and I finally settled down to sleep. Ahhhhh….

And just as I’m relaxing into a half hour snooze with her (I usually get back after she’s dropped off) Sophie’s little voice comes out of the dark saying, “Mommy, can I have drink of water?”

Groan. “Oh, girl, I just got comfortable. Surely I don’t have to actually get up. How thirsty are you? Is it an emergency thirst situation, or what?”

“I’m really, really thirsty. I didn’t realize it until just now.”

Double groan. “Fine. Okay. But you have to say it. Go on.”

Sophie pitches her tiny, five year old girl voice as low as it can go and says, all in one rush, “You’re the best Mommy ever now go get me a drink of water.”

We both giggle. “I think I’m going to have to change it,” I say, “maybe to, ‘you’re the best mommy in the whole Universe!’ Or maybe ‘You’re the best mommy in the History of Mommies!”

Sophie makes a sound that, in the dark, is the same as rolling her eyes. “No, mommy, you’re just a plain mommy.”

“A PLAIN mommy?” I get up to get the water, muttering in mock indignation. “I’m a plain Mommy? I don’t believe this. A PLAIN mommy!?”

A few minutes later, water drunk and forgotten, more flopping and adjusting and pulling, and Ahhhhhing, until everything is just so and I hear, “Mommy, will you rub my back?”

“Hmm. I don’t know. Do Plain Mommies rub little girl’s backs? Or maybe it’s just Really Spiffy Mommies that rub backs. Because if I’m just a Plain Mommy, I’m not sure if I can really honor your request here.”

Sophie gives a long suffering sigh, takes my hand and flops it down on her back. “You have to, Mommy. It’s your job. Now quit whining.”

She really said that! I’m not making this stuff up!

the healing powers of chocolate

It’s been raining and raining and we’ve all been inside, a lot, maybe too much. So, yesterday afternoon, the kids were fighting and I was crabby and let’s just say none of us were being very kind. My answer to these situations is usually the same, a Monty Python, And now for something…completely different.

“Hey, kids, want to make some of that chocolate goop and watch some Spiderman cartoons?”

Screaming, cheering, etc. A much better sound than the bickering of a few minutes before. We get our supplies, mix up the goop, and settle in to wait for it to cook with a good round of Scorpion vs. Spidey.

Here comes the moment:

A bit later, we’re eating chocolate stuff and Sophie says, pure sincerity on her face, “There is nothing better that friendship, happiness, and chocolate.” And then she looks at me and says, “And you, mama.”

See that puddle on the floor? That’s me. She sure has her priorities straight, doesn’t she?

seeing through kiddo eyes

Luc, 3, riding in the grocery cart the other day, thoughtfully said, “You know, Mommy. Everyone has boogies.” Which is true, but might not be obvious in the boogie-intolerant culture we live in.

Sophie, 5, was watching an episode of Spiderman yesterday, a chase scene, Spiderman flinging himself and a blond babe through the city, while this dude in a kind of rhino suit tried to keep up. “He’ll never find us!” says Spiderman on top of some building.

Sophie looks at me and says, “You know, Spiderman leaves all these webs behind him when he swings around. All the rhino guy has to do is follow the trail of webs.”

Nothing gets past these kids.

It’s not just noticing the obvious, though. It’s seeing things that aren’t there, too. Like, yesterday morning, Luc bit into his toast and held it up, waving it slightly, and said, “Look. It’s rough and tumbling seas!” To which Sophie answered, “Arrrr, matey!”

Same game, later in the day, Luc held up a piece of popcorn saying, “Hey, Mommy, look! This piece looks like a digger!”

So Sophie starts examining her piece. “Huh. This one looks like an octopus doing the hula.”

Luc, all excited, says, “Really? Let me see!” and “Oh yeah, it DOES look like an octopus doing the hula!”

The world is just so interesting when you’re small.