sibling win
Posted on July 20, 2009 - Filed Under kiddo life
I was just going through some pictures and I kept noticing great shots of Sophie and Luc having a good time together. I was struck by it, because I spend a lot of energy helping them negotiate the latest trauma. (“I want the rainbow tank top!” “No, I want it!” “I had it first!” “But it’s mine! And you can never wear it! Ever!” “I hate you!” I try to step in before it reaches the ‘I hate you’ stage.) Sometimes it becomes very important to help them find fun things that they can do separately, you know, so that they won’t maim each other. Seeing the photos, though, I realized that, yes, I spend a lot of time doing that, but also, those high energy moments tend to get all the press, making it easy to overlook how many fun, happy moments go by in the tide of the day. It was like unearthing photographic evidence of a friendship I can lose sight of amidst the fireworks. I have tried never to pit them against each other, tried never to create competition by comparing them with each other, and I never insist that they share. Maybe those sorts of strategies are working, I don’t know, but whatever it is, despite the inevitable blow ups, my kids seem to actually like each other.
Here, look. Look at them hanging out, talking about stuff.
And look at them watching a movie together…
There is an ease to their connection that I love.
They get into major messes together—this is paint, by the way.
And they have tons of games they have worked out elaborate rules to. For example, Knights in Shining Armor!
The sweet moments are often very quiet.
But there is a lot of loud whacky fun, too. This game is called Underwear Head.
And it just goes to show that fighting doesn’t have to mean damage.
For example, yesterday, we were walking home from the pond and Luc starts screaming, “I wanted to carry the purple floatie! Sophie! You aren’t supposed to have the purple floatie!”
I started gearing up my negotiation skills, putting on my Voice of Calm, but Sophie cooly answered, “You don’t have to be so grumbly about it.”
And Luc says, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Knock me down with a feather!
And then, Sophie gave him the purple floatie! And they walked on together! Best buds!
I may have been walking quietly beside them, but inside I was doing triple backflips! I mean, holy crap, a lot of forty-year olds don’t have communication skills like that! Go kids, go! You rock!
Sophie and Luc, thanks for being my friends, too. I think you are so cool!
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So I’m migrating my decades old Rohladex data from one database to another, see your name and web address in the data, punch it in the ol’ browser and here I land on your blog. Very cool, Maya, I love it! Pei-Pei and I are living in Florida, near Daytona Beach. Drop me an email if you have time, and tell Paul, Goober says “Hey!” I still tell people about what a great massage therapist your were (are?). Have some Barb Brennan fiends, er friends, here.
Love,
Ken