For Mother’s Day we went on a whirlwind tour of the Mothers of Eastern North Carolina this weekend, the kids and I, and saw my mother, my sister, who is a mother, my grandmother, and my aunt, also a mother, all motherly influences on me and my kids. Add myself to the mix and that’s a lot of mothers! Luc gave me the bracelet he gave me last year that I had kind of put away because it is too small, but he gave it to me again this year with this pointed look that said, “hey, lady, why aren’t you wearing this?” so maybe I’ll secretly restring the beads on slightly longer stretchy string. It’s on my wrist right now, the circulation to my hand cut off by Luc’s love. It’s worth it, even if it leaves red marks on my skin. No gangrene yet, but I’ll let you know. Sophie sewed me a patch with a heart on it and told me she loved me and hoped we were friends our whole lives. I cried. You would have cried, too, believe me. Then we had a lovely lunch at my grandmother’s house and I ate strawberry shortcake with my grandma, held her hand, kissed her on her soft wrinkled neck, and hugged her but it wasn’t enough. Marginette has always been one of the strongest women I know but she has become so frail. I cried again when we left her under the magnolia tree, I was crying all over Eastern North Carolina this weekend.
So, in two days, we had three houses, eight hours in the car with Henry the dog, facilitated by five disks of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, thank the gods for J. K. Rowling. I can’t believe we’re on the last book, SOB.
In other news, as a side effect of all the visiting, I scored my SEWING MACHINE from my mother’s attic, so lounge pants are on their way (once I get the machine back from the sewing machine doctor, it needed a tune up after 7 years in storage). Mom and I tried and tried to jimmy the machine’s table with it’s cool knee pedal into the car (what if we turn it upside down? what about the front passenger seat? what about if the legs stick out the window? what if we put the kids in the trunk?) but no dice. However, I realized I have the perfect place for it over in the Noah House, no table needed, so that turned out exactly right. Stay tuned for seamstress updates! Pirate pants, you will be mine, oh yes….
Of course that means for three days I did absolutely no work on the upcoming novel, I am a bad writer, bad, bad. And even now I type this jaunty blog post instead of ironing out the time-line kinks, beefing up the dialogue, and other such scintillating tasks. All I really want to do is drink a thigh-high mocha latte in the sun and read something trashy.
But no. Books must be written. Covers must be designed. Lunch must be made and it must be macaroni and cheese, apparently (what do they see in the stuff???) This is the Law of the Yurt.
Quit fighting the Law! [Whips self] Get to it you lazy lounge-about! Wharf!
It’s probably the Katwise thing (see yesterday’s post), plus Sophie doing a bunch of sewing with her great aunt (who is a master seamstress) (I covet Sophie’s adorable new bag made from too-small favorite jeans with rhinestones and rainbow lining, by the way), plus Luc just got this rocking pair of pirate pajama pants at a yard sale and I WANT THEM only, you know, they don’t fit, plus, oh, I don’t know, I’m supposed to be finishing this NOVEL, oh yeah THAT. All of these things add up to my new total obsession with all things LOUNGE PANTS.
As in, I want to make some. A bunch of pairs. And what’s up with that, calling what is clearly a single item a pair? I know there are two legs, as in a pair of them, yada yada, but really, the whole pantS as plural thing makes no sense. But I don’t care I want to wear nothing but lounge pants plural or singular, I want them in all colors, especially pirate. I’m going to wear them on my arms, too. And my head. The kids will wear them. Paul will wear them. I’m going to make some for the dog. I may have lost my mind. But I’m sure wearing some lounge pants will help with that.
I love this photo I ran across when googling “pirate lounge pants.”

Some intrepid mom has made pirate lounge pants for her entire family! I’m totally going to do this.
I like stripes, too, still the pirate-y theme, sort of,
Okay, maybe not. (Does my fat ass make my fat ass look big?)
But really, don’t these pants look all loungy? Don’t they make you just want to lounge around?
Or, you know, maybe if we’re going to have men in lounge pants…
Uh, what was I saying? Oh yes! Lounge pants! (You would not believe what google gives you if you put in “sexy man in lounge pants.” Ahem.)
And let me go on record right now against the controversial topic of words on the butt of lounge pants. You know what I mean, pants that have “sweet” or “butter” or something that canNOT help but seem like a euphemism for something nasty when on someone’s (usually a pretty girl’s) bum. I don’t know who started this but it’s just wrong. Because, hey, if you’ve got a nice ass, you don’t want to mess up the view with some silly word.
Anyway. I totally want some lounge pants with cupcakes on them.
Or a COMBO, pirate cupcake!
YES! YES! It’s perfect!
Oh, wait a minute, it isn’t even a picture of lounge pants.
STAY ON TARGET, LASSITER.
There. Whew. I kind of got lost in the frenzy there for a moment. But look at these lovely lounge pants! I must have a dozen pairs of these at once!
Of course this means trying to locate my old Singer sewing machine in my mother’s attic (put in storage when we moved from the rambling farm house to the 700 square foot yurt) and seeing if it still works after 8 years of disuse. It’s over 100 years old, purchased for $20 bucks at the thrift store, a FIND. I have made many, many things on that baby, skirts, quilts, halloween costumes. No lounge pants, though. Until now.
There’s a project for us! Pack the kids in the car for a four hour drive to my mother’s place to find the sewing machine! That should take DAYS. And that’s all before I actually start sewing!
Because CLEARLY I have gone OFF THE DEEP END because what I am SUPPOSED to be doing right now is EDITING MY FUCKING NOVEL which supposedly is going to be PUBLISHED IN A FEW SHORT WEEKS WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING GOING ON AND ON ABOUT FUCKING LOUNGE FUCKING PANTS???? [tearing own hair out]
This is all totally par for the course, of course. Procrastination is an art form, a CRUCIAL part of the creative process, and I stand by that. While wearing lounge pants.
Fuck me. Maybe I just need a vacation.
Where I do a lot of lounging. In pants.
(I’ve typed “lounge” so many times now that it looks like a foreign language word and I’ve had to google it to make sure I’m spelling it right. Twice.)
I adore rummaging around Etsy, I always find cool people doing cool things who inspire me. Katwise (on etsy) is one of the best I’ve run across and she’s a bit of a phenomenon so chances are good, if you like Etsy at all, you’ve already heard of her. She takes old sweaters and upcycles them into amazing coats and capes and garments exploding with whimsy, fun, mystery, delight. Look:
I could go on and on, adding images of sweater coats, each as amazing as the last. Where does she get all these sweaters? She must have them shipped in from thrift stores across the country!
No surprise that the coats are huge sellers, the things are gorgeous. In fact, if you go by her etsy shop, you’ll find nothing but the tutorial on how to makes them for sale. Apparently, every two weeks she puts up photos of the next batch of coats on her facebook page, and posts the day and time when they will go on sale. Don’t blink! Because they sell out completely in minutes.
An artist who is making good money at her craft! I love that!
Coats are not all she has painted technicolor in her self-proclaimed cartoon life. Katwise, her guy, and her house:
Here is Katwise’s site, full of amazing stuff. For a little more, here is an interview Ms. Katwise has given. And if you haven’t had enough of looking at her coats, here are a bunch more.
I’ll leave you with Katwise’s Benny Hill-style video of the making of one of the coats, not to be missed, it will make you laugh.
I love all this stuff! I love when someone’s creations make me feel more alive and happy! Doing strange things in the name of art, playing, that’s the best kind of life to live, if you ask me.
Around here we are HUGE fans of Amanita Design and their wonderful games. I have written before about Samorost (which you can play for free at that link—and which Luc has played through a dozen times by now), Samorost 2 (a $5 download) and Machinarium, (free demo at the link), all games made by Czech game designer and artist, Jakub Dvorský, founder of Amanita. He looks like a very nice guy, don’t you think?
Certainly his games have a wonderful sense of humor, a quirky charm, and a whimsy that I find tremendously enjoyable. And so interesting to look at! So when I found out that Amanita had a new full length game out this April, I was super excited.
Botanicula, designed by Jaromír Plachý of Amanita, is a point and click adventure/puzzler with a cast of tiny adorable heroes who are trying to save their beautiful tree from creepy spider parasite things that are slowly killing it. A simple story that belies the depth of the engagement it drew from Luc, 6, and I as we played through it together.
Firstly, you can’t talk about Botanicula without talking about the art which is phenomenal. The first levels are gorgeous, luminous, full of humor and strange, friendly characters.
While the later levels become increasingly dark and eerie as the heroes descend into the depths of the tree,
and then to the destroyed parts of the tree that are dying or already dead,
and further still, into the heart of the problem. “This is pretty creepy, Mom,” said Luc at one point. “I’m worried.”
I was, too! Our intrepid heroes are so small, the threat they face so large!
Luc and I play together in this way: Luc sits on my lap driving the mouse, while I offer suggestions and occasionally get a turn. Luc is quite adept at playing with game environments—click this? Pull that? Put this on that, or inside this other thing, or talk to that guy, or swallow this…? I’m a little better at reading the map and keeping track of what we’ve done and where we’ve been. Botanicula requires no reading (nice for a six year old who isn’t much with the reading yet), and in fact uses no words at all, communicating entire complex puzzles and stories through visuals and lovely music, something I found added to the other-worldliness of the game. Reading is my other game-duty so in this case, I was off the hook and Luc and I were on an equal footing with figuring things out, which was fun.
the mini-story of the wish granting genie, told in symbols and cinematics
Secondly, when talking about Botanicula, I think you have to talk about the places the characters move through. I’ve said the art is amazing, but this is another quality: so many inventive, funny, beautiful, scary, but primarily surprising screens! Over and over we would click on a new screen and give a little gasp when we saw where we were. It’s the art but its also the story in the art, if that makes sense. If you want to feel wonder, this is your game.
Third, I felt true concern for the tree-world and its parasitic predicament. The puzzles we did as we traveled were interesting and provided gratification and short-term direction, but the larger plot was what really had my attention. Sometimes, the puzzles were dead easy, involving only clicking everything on the screen. Which was fine for Luc. At other times they were quite challenging, even impossible to figure out without a little help. “Mom, we need a walkthrough,” Luc would say after fiddling with a given environment for a while with no apparently change. (We used this walkthrough at Jay is Games. Because sometimes you just need a little help. And sometimes you need a lot.) But always, I worried about the beautiful tree world filled with its hundreds of quirky characters that would be lost if we didn’t find a solution. Botanicula’s story, as simple as it is, matters.
some of the many funny little people living in the tree
Fittingly, given its subject matter, Botanicula is being used to help the World Land Trust save rainforest land. I didn’t know that until I started this blog post, but I did buy our copy through the Humble Bundle (which is now over). I like a company that puts its money where its heart is.
But listen, after playing the game for several hours the other day, we were outside and I notice a couple of small ants climbing a blade of grass…and I was struck with an empathic comprehension of their world—of being so incredibly tiny, in such a giant landscape—far beyond anything I have ever experienced for an ant before. I also projected a whole heroic anthropomorphic story on the little ants and thought that, even though they are small, they care about their world as much as I care about mine—and that it is the same world. Just at a different scale! They might even be on a quest at this very moment to save it! I was surprised by this little flight of fancy—my brain was still in the game and saw those tiny ants as the tiny game characters for a moment. But I felt it was undeniable that the story and art of the game had stretched me into thinking about a cross section of life I don’t usually consider. Which was cool.
So. If you like beautiful games with lush music, quirky humor, wonder-producing art, and a compelling story—especially if you don’t want to fight, be timed, memorize charts, read life-bars or power-ups, or read anything at all—this game is for you. It is an immersive, tutorial-free, exploration of a compelling and gorgeous landscape through the eyes of funny little people. Luc and I loved it. Highly recommended.
I just got the last editor letter back on the angel book and am deep in edits. The plan is to finish this, as in done done DONE, by the end of May and send it off to the copy editor by June 1. I’m so excited for this book to finally see the light of day! It kind of contains my entire professional writing history in one 350 page package, starting with the first short story I ever published (see the sidebar over there, its posted to the wall like a cafe’s first dollar earned) the guts of which is in this book.
That story was written in twenty-four hours for Orson Scott Card’s Writer’s Bootcamp in 2001. 2001!!! Two Thousand and freaking ONE. A decade gone in the blink of an eye! I will never, ever forget Scott reading the first paragraph out loud, putting the paper down and saying, “You can’t teach writing like this.” I burst into tears.
That first paragraph, that story, became the seed of this novel. From that seed, I wrote the bulk of the material while in my second year of grad school, getting my MFA in writing from the Vermont College of Fine Arts. That manuscript got me my (then) agent who said she loved it, that it had made her cry, and that, even though it was different, she was sure we could find an editor to take it on.
Fast forward a couple of years and nope, turns out no one wanted it. Into the trunk it went. Sob!
Anyway, a couple years passed, a couple more novels written, a couple of babies born, but I still couldn’t stop thinking about my fallen angels. So I pulled out the manuscript and did a deep edit, a structural overhaul on the thing, giving it over a 100 pages of new material and generally bringing it up to the state of my current writing ability. That must have been 2007 or so. Still no sales joy. Back in the drawer.
I wrote Conjuring Raine, then Toby Streams the Universe, published them, and have been thrilled with the response. And still my angel book, at various times called “Falling”, “The Fallen”, “You Who Are Made of Light”, and “Made of Light Made of Dark”, whispered at me. So I pulled it out again last year, reworked the whole thing again.
So you see, this book really does have my whole writer-story up-to-now inside it: my first publication, OSC’s Bootcamp, grad school, getting an agent, the emotional grind of being on submission for over a year with no sales, leaving my agent, and now Waking Dreams Press which feels like rebirth. It’s time! It’s time for this book to be born! Hallelujah! Now called When Light Falls, I want so much to get it really there, all on the page the way it is in my head. I hope, I hope, I hope I can do that.
I’m working hard on getting that last 10% as solid as I can, and, as I said, the plan is to do this in May. Yikes! What am I doing writing a blog post? I should be working on the book!!! I get SO NERVOUS when I’m about to release a new one. Like, awake at night, manic/depressive, can’t eat/eat too much, crazy nervous. And this one has been a long time coming. Eleven years worth of nerves! My poor family!
I’ll leave all you lovely readers with the gorgeous cover art made for me by Ida Larsen. I’ll do another post on the making of the cover in a bit, and of course, this version (the text, fonts, placements, etc) is subject to change right up until the day I hit publish, haha. But the art is set, the art is GORGEOUS, I’m so happy with how it turned out.
Oooo! Ahhhh! So pretty!
I feel deeply ambivalent about this, but I think I’m going to take some time off my yoga practice. It seems incredibly stupid, since I just moved so deeply into several of the postures, and I’m sure any time off will cause me to lose that progress. But I’m just so tired. I don’t know if it is allergies, depression, over-doing, a combination…I don’t know. But if I think of taking even a week off from yoga I feel such relief. So that’s the (terrifying) plan. One week off.
Guilt! This isn’t in accordance with my larger goals! I’m going to seize up! What am I thinking? Maybe I can just sneak in a little? The task master that gets me on the mat every day is profoundly unhappy with this plan.
I’ve just been cramming too much into my days. I’m pooped. I need a break. It’s just one week, for crying out loud. Relax.
But what if I can’t start back? What if it HURTS when I start back? What if I lose my power to get on the mat or damage it in some way? What if this gets me off track for years? I’m 41, I can’t take years off! Maybe I’ll go get on the mat right now….
This isn’t going to be easy.
Look what we did yesterday!
We went on a hot air balloon ride! How cool is THAT? It was just a little ride, tethered, but still, really fun. And free! Even better.
We got there early and got to see them fill the balloon, which was surprisingly fast. They just lifted the mouth and opened the throttle on a huge fan and whoosh! HUGE waves of ooos and ahhs from the crowd and the little band of kids were screaming with excitement.
Isn’t it pretty? I wonder who gets to design hot air balloons? That seems like an awesome job to have. Anyway. They didn’t start with the hot air until nearly the end of filling. The propane flame thingy made a terrific roaring noise.
Gusts of sporadic wind added excitement and action to the proceedings as the balloon people wrestled the basket and ropes, roaring the propane jets and being dragged across the pitch. Who hoo! And some nervous looks like, are we really going to get in that thing?
In between gusts, however, waiting for our turn, it did get a little dull. Waiting is always boring, can’t be helped. Cinnamon buns to the rescue!
They couldn’t take all four of us at once, so Paul went first with another group, and the kids and I followed. Here is Paul climbing into the basket, the little dude in the black jacket.
We climbed in next and I was glad I do yoga because it took some dexterity and flexibility to hoist one’s leg over the edge. The kids got lifted in like “a sack of potatoes” as the guys said. It was physical work for them, but they were all smiling. Quick instructions, hold here, not here, don’t rest your chin here (you might bump it if we come down hard) keep your knees bent, and then whoosh, with a roar, we went up!
Sorry I don’t have a picture from the basket, looking down over our town, but it was much too exciting to miss any of it fiddling with the camera. Besides I was hanging on to the kids for their dear lives, as if, should they fall, I would be able to save them, despite the high probability I, too, would be falling. It’s a mom thing. It’s coded in our cells, I would have thrown my body to the ground first for them to land on, wouldn’t have thought twice. Which is kind of weird, but good.
Anyway, Sophie squealed and bounced up and down (no jumping in the basket), and at first Luc was scared of the loud roar of the fire, but he got used to it and was soon peeking over the edge and waving his little hand frantically to Paul on the ground. It was surprisingly exhilarating! I mean, given that we were not all that high. Part of my brain was noting, we’re only maybe 50 feet up, you’ve been in planes a heck of a lot higher than this, but it didn’t matter, I got totally high (ar ar), a huge grin on my face, we all did, everyone clambering out of the basket looked like that. What a cool job to be the balloon guy who gets to make people smile like that for a living!
(The guy going up in the basket with us told me he has been flying for 53 years and doing balloons for about 5. He was smiling big, too.)
Maybe it’s that you’re standing on unstable wicker that sails this way that that with every breeze? Maybe it’s how quiet it is (when the propane isn’t roaring)? Maybe it’s the change in perspective? I don’t know but from what I can tell, a hot air balloon is a perfect storm of variables for making a person happy and exhilarated, but also somehow quiet and internal.
A giant gust of wind blew up just as the kids got out and swept me and the balloon guy across the pitch. Here we are just before it happened, the kids off to the left grinning, the guys to the right, starting to feel the tug of the gust, me oblivious in the basket.
Whoosh, the wind grabbed the basket, and all the people holding on, and dragged us all a good twenty or thirty feet. The basket was all tipped sideways like it was going to dump me out. I’m pretty sure I screamed, although I wasn’t scared so much as surprised. Although I did have one of those bizarre thought flashes, if I die, won’t that be an interesting story the kids will have to tell the rest of their lives, “we lost our Mom in a hot air balloon accident.”
But I was fine. Here I am in my borrowed coat, walking back to the crowd and Paul, who snapped the picture.
If you get a chance to go up in a balloon, I HIGHLY recommend it!
But, as if that wasn’t enough of an adventure for one day, in the afternoon we went to a birthday party, very fun, loads of kids and, what a great idea: about twenty giant boxes to play in! The kids all saw them and went mental. There were box battles, box villages, rolling down the hill in a box, beat the box, hide in the box, etc, etc. Very cool.
Then, our lovely hostess brought out this giant, super tall, round layer cake and I thought, hmm, I wonder what flavor, chocolate? Vanilla?
And then BAM, she cut it open and …..
The most amazing cake you’ve ever seen!
I was TOTALLY impressed. The whole crowd gasped. One kid summed it all up by saying to the baker, “You could totally work at Honeydukes!” I heartily agree. The layers were different flavors, too! I tasted rose, lemon, vanilla, almond….
So, our day was full of surprises, balloons, rainbows, and cake. Probably a unicorn or two were also present, but I was too bowled over by the rest to notice. I mean, by Indiana Jones standards, it was a tame day, but for me, it was thrill a minute. I’m just a simple girl, really.
1.
I hurt my left shoulder yesterday dong straight leg jump throughs. I kept swinging too far, sort of skidding into a landing, and trying to correct for that, which whacked soemthing in that shoulder…didn’t really feel it until this morning when I discovered that it aches to lift my arm. Damn it. I took today off of surys and vinyasa, just did some asana alone, which was very weird, and lame, like trying to knead cold bread dough or cement. No vinyasa/surys = no heat = no mobility. At the David Garrigues workshop in the dripping hot shala, I could feel for the first time the protective action of the hot room, could feel how much easier the practice was in some ways (while the heat itself is a challenge in other ways). The yurt, 0n the other hand, was quite cold yesterday, probably 50 or 60 degrees at most, I was practicing in a sweater and a scarf, so that probably didn’t help—we don’t build fires this time of year because it’s plenty warm in the afternoons. I hope this is just a minor twinge, took me a year to get over the hamstring pull last year.
Getting injured always pisses me off. So I’ve been harumphing and complaining all morning.
Hold that thought.
2.
So, yesterday in the car we were trying to get through some crazy traffic, plus the car was super hot, and this fucking fuck pulls out in front of me and I complain, “we’re trapped in a traffic nightmare hell!” I know, I know, I’m such a drama queen. But really, there is a traffic/hot car hell realm, the Traffic Bardo, I’m sure of it.
But then the kids in the back, in unison and in perfect New Jersey accents, cry out, “What a fucking nightmare!” and I crack up so hard I have to pull over.
What, don’t you remember the indomitable Mona Lisa Vito, from “My Cousin Vinny” ?
If you haven’t seen it, you really must, it’s just wonderful. Marisa Tomei won an Oscar for her role, and, obviously, a few choice lines have made it into our family lexicon. Here is the entire line the kids were quoting from:
Mona Lisa Vito: You know, this could be a sign of things to come. You win all your cases, but with somebody else’s help, right? You win case after case, and then afterwards you have to go up to somebody and you have to say, “thank you.” [pause] Oh my god! What a fucking nightmare!
I love her.
3.
And, listen, I’ve got to explain why my little word counter bar over there on the right hasn’t risen over 23,000 words in at least a week, maybe more. SHAME right? Only, maybe not. It seems I have this process where I write a hundred pages (about 25,000 words or so) and then realize I’ve got something totally wrong, and have to go back and start all over. It’s so stupid. It’s so inefficient. But there it is, I’ve done it on the last three novels, and while I thought I had a strategy for avoiding it this time, I was wrong. So, honestly, I’m working every day on the new novel, but no, I’m not increasing the net word count because I’m rewriting the first 100 pages, just like I always do because I’m an idiot who takes 100 pages of crap to figure out what the hell I’m doing.
Sigh.
So, anyway, just so you know I’m not a total slacker. I am working! Every day! I’m just, you know, treading word-count water. But these are better, new improved, extra spiffy words!
4.
Or, as Mona Lisa would say, Imagine you’re a deer. You’re prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water… BAM! A fuckin bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?
In other words, quit putting your focus on the wrong thing, Lassiter. It’s not the jump-through, the bad traffic, or the word count that matters. It’s being kind to my body, laughing with my funny kids, and writing a good novel in the end.
I’m always getting this wrong, which is why I’m grumpy so much of the time.
Fuck. I hate fucking life lessons. I just want to be a grumpy bitch sometimes! With a hurt shoulder! I just want the pleasure of some high quality of self-pity sometimes! For god’s sake, somebody give me some chocolate.
I will not post about not having anything to post about on my blog.
I will not post about not having anything to post about on my blog.
I will not post about not having anything to post about on my blog.
I will absolutely not post about not having anything to post about on my blog, even though it has been four days since I posted, and I have to go on a day road trip tomorrow and the air conditioning is broken in the car, and Sophie always gets car sick when she gets too hot, so there’s possibly, probably, puke in our future, but we’ve got the last Harry Potter read by the amazing Jim Dale on CDs from the library, so maybe it won’t all completely suck balls. We can always hope. Therefore I will not post about not having anything to post about on my blog. Instead I will post about hope.
______
UPDATE: Sunday, post trip….
SO. Google maps on Paul’s iphone sent us on all the back roads to the coast, but that was okay because we like seeing all the old towns and the beautiful historic districts tucked away at the center of all the stupid strip malls. Paul says he’s going to write an app that syncs with the maps-app to bring up little historical information nuggets as you drive past cool places. “And then,” he said, “it could read it all out-loud to you in a nice voice.”
“Don’t you have a wife who does that for you?” I said.
He frowns. “Depends on how tractable she’s feeling. An app I can turn on and off.”
Oh, ha ha. Very funny.
Did you know there is a whole chain (do you call it a chain?) of churches called COWBOY CHURCH?? I swear, its true. I don’t really know what to make of this. Is it that some people are living the story of cowboy life so deeply that it appeals to them to have that flavor/metaphor/set dressing in all that they do? Could there be Steampunk Church? Or Church for Singles? Or Yurt Church? Or something? Maybe those already exist. I have to admit Cowboy Church sounds fun, even though I have no idea what it means. I wonder if you get to handle snakes?
Just one of the many interesting things we saw on this journey.
ANYWAY. What I really wanted to tell you is how we pulled into this tiny po-dunk gas station in a run down town that google thought we should drive through, and Paul hops out to buy some ice for packing around our overheated selves, hops out and dissappears into the store while the kids and I are sitting in the car, dying of heat—when suddenly, I become aware that this huge dark-skinned dude is walking towards our car shouting the worst stream of horrible swear words I have ever heard directed at another human. Uh-oh. I spin around in my seat to see who he’s yelling at and see a woman in short shorts and a scowling expression, and SHE starts shouting back, a horrible string of words describing how horrible he is in exact and vicious terms. Another man in flip flops and a pair of cut off sweat pants is walking away from her and another woman with gigantic, and I mean gigantic, bazooms barely contained by a straining halter top, is walking towards him, also swearing but muttering instead of shouting.
In other words, Sophie and Luc and I are sitting in our car, surrounded on all sides by tremendously angry, swearing people with hate in their eyes and bolts of boiling rage surging out of their shifting eyes. I mean, I’ve got nothing against some good swearing, but this was pure meanness pointed at other people. It felt horrible and scary to be in the center of it.
But before my brain has even gotten through the shock of this first part, the big dude has reached sweat pants man, where he takes hold of the guy’s head and bashes it into the back of an old Chevy parked there at one of the gas pumps. Sweat pants dude starts screaming more horrible words and bleeding all over the place, while short short woman starts crossing the parking lot, shouting and waving her arms—
–all while Paul, oblivious, chats with the register guy. I can see them through the glass door. I’m totally freaking out. I want to get Paul, but I don’t want to get out of the car and step into the conflict, much less leave the kids out there by themselves. I want to drive the fuck away, but I can’t leave Paul behind. I want Paul to hurry the fuck up, but he seems to be in some slow-mo mode, probably lingering in the air conditioning. I try waving at him through the glass, but the motion gets the attention of the big guy who is now stalking off behind the station, and I want to throw myself down over the kids for cover.
A cop car comes slamming into the parking lot and a young white cop hops out, not closing his door, lights flashing. Short short woman has gotten a wet rag from somewhere and is pressing it against Sweat Pants’ head wound. Big Bazooms has disappeared along with Head Basher, and finally Paul comes sauntering out.
“GO, GO, GO!!!!” I’m shouting as Paul gets into the car. I mean clearly the conflict was over at that point, but my adrenaline is at maximum and we’ve GOT TO GET OUT OF THERE NOW NOW NOW.
Paul pulls out and is a bit…underwhelmed by my frantic description of what just went down. The kids don’t have much to add and I realize they hadn’t really been paying attention. Telling my story, wild eyed and still looking around, as if Head Basher or Big Bazooms are going to pop out and attack our moving vehicle, I realized I looked a little…crazy. Like, did this whole thing really happen? Surely I’m exaggerating a little? I have been known to do that.
But no! I’m not some hysterical woman! This really happened, there were large angry people spewing verbal death rays at each other! Actual heads were bashed! Blood was spilt! Shorts were short!
Nothing more happened. We drove on. The ice was nice. We listened to Harry Potter. Our lives were innocent and pleasant, despite the heat. None of us had any desire to eviscerate anyone with enraged words or violence. After all that fear I felt so…weird. Sad? Those poor people. I mean, they were having a really bad day. B. A. D. We were just hot.
So. That happened.
The moral: Beware google maps. It shows you things.
First things first: I survived! I wasn’t sure a few moments in there, but yes, I pulled through, and even had a good time. Go me!
Okay, second, let me tell you about the groovy shala where the workshop was held. The Durham Ashtanga Yoga Club is a donation-based yoga studio (that’s right, you choose the fee) that embodies funky-cool and I mean that in the best possible way.
Ashtanga Yoga Club’s lovely front door
From the impromptu and eclectic shrines everywhere, to the stacks of yoga books, also everywhere, to the lumpy, creaking wood floors, to the Star Trek light-switch plate, or the mi casa su casa feel of the place, or the funny cat picture by the toilet (kitty caught in the act of unrolling all the paper, with the addition of a kitty-third-eye bindi, haha) or the Ganesha tiled in over the sink…this is not a swank, pristine Studio but more of an art installation that you do yoga in. The place, originally a residential duplex on a shady street in Old Durham, is full of found objects interestingly arrayed and yoga in-jokes, plus a friendly get-it-done attitude. I totally dug it. The humanness, the humor, the personality—and also the sincerity of the owners and co-creators, Suzanne and Nikos, who live in part of the duplex downstairs. Even as they joke and have fun, you can tell they are really serious about their yoga.
So, to do said yoga you carefully make your way up a narrow, circular staircase to get to the practice room itself, found in the attic of this funky old cottage, a room full of gables, corners, slanted ceilings, and skylights.
Turns out you can just fit twenty-five mats in there if you use a shoe-horn, with no more than a hands-width between mats, all of them laid out going this way and that, fitting together like a giant manduka jig-saw puzzle. I don’t think they usually have this many people crowded in, but there was a big a turn out for David Garrigues, as big as the place could hold, and then some. Ashtanga is thin on the ground in North Carolina. When someone of David’s caliber comes to town, people come from all over to partake. I know I did, driving almost an hour each way to get there, and some other folk came from Asheville, maybe five hours away. And I think there may have been a couple from Arizona?
But wait, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the two hilarious chihauhaus, Antonio and Little Man, who pad through the shala checking everything and everyone out out, that is, when they aren’t tucked around each other in their little crate, alternately watching the scene and snoring loudly. After one intense session I was lying there on my mat, eyes closed in corpse, one of the last people in the room, collapsed and wrung out, when I feel a delicate little tap tap on my cheek. I open my eyes to find Little Man looking at me from an inch away with his big dark eyes, clearly saying, “Excuse me, but it’s time for you to go.”
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
On to the workshop itself! Let me say, when David Garrigues comes to do a workshop, he teaches his ass off. David covers a Mysore room (of twenty-five in this case) like a dynamo, everybody getting many adjustments, sometimes set-ups with props, or spotting for crazy ashtanga moves, from light touches to in-depth analysis of what’s going on to full-on wrastling. The man must have covered the room ten times an hour. I don’t know what is typical, but he certainly wasn’t hanging back, resting or whatever. Yet, even while he’s working hard, I found his manner always friendly, funny, and personable, while his passion for yoga burns through, his insistence that I could do more, and more, both an inspiration and a kind of friendly torment. “There is a huge challenge in the asana—we [teacher/student] battle a little,” he said to the group at one point.* “You think you are doing your best, and yet…I’m still here.” Everyone laughs. There is a lot of person looking out of David Garrigues’s eyes, if that makes sense.
Remember, all this description comes from someone who, after two and half years of daily home practice, has never been to a Mysore class. My only other ashtanga class has been the David Williams workshop I took a year ago which did not have a Mysore-style component. So, back up: my first impression, walking into the steaming yoga room packed with people doing their at 6AM practice?
Holy Shit.
But I roll my mat out in one of the few spots left, glance around nervously, and I’m off!
Sidebar: the yurt rarely gets over 60 degrees in the winter, and I often practice in sweaters. Even in the summer I hardly ever sweat. But ten minutes in this room, maybe a couple of Sury Bs, and I was DRIPPING. Me. Sweating like the proverbial race horse! I sweated through my clothes, it was running off my face in freaking rivulets, I am not exaggerating, it was disgusting. But everyone was doing it, it was no big deal, we were all just stewing in our juices in a shala in Durham. I actually thought I might be sick that first day, halfway through standing poses, the heat and the sweat and how much I was shaking…but I didn’t, it passed, and I realized, when it happened again on the second day, that it only lasts a couple of minutes and then I feel much better. By the fourth day, I just zoomed on through it, no problem. I guess I acclimated.
Anyway. Once I got through that bit, it was pretty amazing to ride the energy of all these people busting their butts (sometimes literally, as straight leg jump-throughs were strongly preferred by David—and I bounce very well, in case you were curious) to do this yoga practice thing, working really hard, intent, focused. Even though I was working so hard, shaking, etc, I did not run out of steam or want to quit, which was interesting. Something about being sandwiched in with all the good intent in that room, it bore me along when I was struggling. I wonder if I helped anyone else along, too, taking my turn like geese in the V flying south?
You’d think it would be totally weird or gross or whatever to have people on top of you while you do your practice, but oddly, 95% of the time, it wasn’t. I just got into my own thing, riding the wave of the room indirectly, not by watching it or being engaged with it, just surfing along. The practice is hard. There isn’t much room for caring about anything else when you’re really into it. And then David comes by with an adjustment….
I noticed a huge variety of ability amongst the various folk who had driven in. I’d guess a good third of them were doing Intermediate, although on one day I found myself sandwiched in between a fellow brand-new to it all, learning Surys and the first few standing poses, while on my other side was a bendy beauty doing anatomically improbable Advanced A poses. Another class had this blond god doing tick-tocks beside me, six feet of nearly naked muscle flipping around like a rubberband, while I did my little paschimottanasana, peeking out from under my arm to watch.
Because sometimes driste just has to be sacrificed to the greater good.
What a scene it all was!
And hey, speaking of, did you catch that, yep, I did my first straight-leg jumpthrough! (It was laughable, but I got my feet through, multiple times, I really did.) In fact, in just five freaking days I did my first straight-leg jump through, my first full bind in ardha baddha padmottanasana, did a full wrist bind and forward bend in Mari B, did wrist binds on my seated forward bends (all of these binds not from him making the bind, but from him adjusting my body which suddenly left all this slack in my arms and the binds were doable) AND I actually did this one in the backbending session….
I would have thought this was TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE for me
…but yes, I really did it, although no, it didn’t look nearly this good when I did. (Yes, I could still walk afterwards.) Weird, huh? David has this superpower, apparently, of just taking my body and putting it into a shape I had no idea it could bend into. It’s like origami. At one point he came over—very gently, I must add, it doesn’t feel forceful or scary—and, from my bent-legged kurmasana, whipped my legs around into some kind of supta kurmasana, no shit. I made these hilarious squawking sounds when he did it, sort of hoots of surprise. He’s all business, we’ll just bend this leg here, put this foot there…
And I’m not saying my feet were behind my head exactly, because, honestly, I have no idea what my body was doing at that point, but there was pressure behind my head (my feet!?) and I was MUCH more deeply into the pose than I have ever been in before. Actually, I was sort of stuck in it, as in, for a minute I couldn’t figure out how to get out. He’s up somewhere saying something profound about something (and I have this image of the Big Game Hunter posing for a picture with his foot on the bound carcass, which would be me) to the assembly and I’m tied in a freaking knot at his feet, waving a hand weakly from somewhere underneath myself, kind of , “um, excuse, me? I, um, I can’t move…?”
someone, not me, doing a very nice supta kurmasana
(I did get out. I’m fine. No yoginis were harmed in the making of this blog post.)
David also got me into a full, if dorky looking, parivrtta parsvakonasana, and I had a flash of stories I’ve heard of Guruji when he did it: I was doing my usual variation with hands in namaste instead of to the floor and extended out and he comes along saying, “No, put your hands—” gesturing, and I started, “I don’t think—” and he stopped me, and I think this was the first day so I hadn’t yet figured out that it was better to just go with him, so anyway, he stopped me with his voice, just a friendly voice, but it had this quality that said there was to be no argument. He said. “You try. This is a good try.”
Doesn’t that sound like Guruji? Anyway, I thought of him at that moment.
And then I did it. The pose I mean. It was a good try.
Sri K Pattabhi Jois’s photo in pride of place, watching over the lineage….
So from a home ashtangi’s perspective, yeah, a really good teacher can take you farther, safer, faster, there is no question in my mind about that after this last five days. I would not have thought I’d be doing any of these poses I’m mentioning for a year or more at least, and some maybe never. And yet, none of the positions he folded me into hurt, even when I would have sworn I couldn’t have done them, believed absolutely that my body couldn’t do it.
I guess fear holds me back.
(On the other hand, I think I’m okay with this because without David’s (or other advanced teacher’s) knowledge of alignment and asana, maybe I would try to go farther and hurt myself. A home ashtangi needs to be a bit more conservative, I think. And home ashtangi still I am.)
But back to the workshop. What else did we do? We went over the nine positions of Sury A in great detail. That was fun. We did backbends while strapped up with a block between our legs and pressed against a wall (“these props are not here to torture you!” Answering groans from the class…) We filmed one of David’s Asana Kitchen’s on Utkatasana. Oh, at one point discussion had segued into pashasana and David started talking about the use of inconspicuous props under the heels, as in, “No one need ever know!” He starts hunting for the perfect small towel to fold up under someone’s heels, “this one is the wrong color, it should blend with the mat,” (more laughter) and Suzanne says, “like this?” We all turn around and she is demonstrating pashasana in a pair of red high heels. “Yes!” says David. “There is no reason asana can’t be stylish!”
David played the harmonium and we did some chanting—yes, I chanted, out loud, and it wasn’t a string of swear words, or I don’t think it was, but it was in Sanskrit so I can’t be sure. We did several sections from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra prior to discussion of them, which I thought was interesting, to hear the sutras as they would have been memorized and chanted for a thousand years (and we’re still chanting and talking about them so many hundred years later!).
I loved the talk about what’s The Point of all this hard work, which I had been wondering myself while driving home the day before, trembling and wet with stinky sweat. Short answer: it’s samadhi, or meditation, or concentrated absorption with the infinite, one of those, all of the above. Basically, if you do your practice right, you should get Limbs 3-6 baked right into your asana practice, so learn the vinyasa counts, stay focused in every transition move, treat it all like an elaborate, dynamic ritual. The Point is not to stop all thought, not to end the vritti, but rather to end the unconscious, harmful vritti. From the mystic poet, Lalla, read by David, “You wear your fingers down copying sacred texts, but still the rage inside you has no way to leave.” I loved that. Stop dodging that rage inside! Be present, even when it hurts! (Anyway, that’s what I got out of that session.)
Was there more? Probably, I can’t remember, its all an overheated, sweaty blur. On the whole the event was incredibly challenging, and incredibly useful, and I’m interested to see how it changes my home practice. (Although I’m taking tomorrow off for a much deserved rest day).
Bottom-line: if you get a chance to go to one of David’s workshops, I highly recommend you jump at the chance. Run don’t walk.
So. Thank you SO MUCH to David for coming to Durham to this small shala in the middle of nowhere and giving so generously to twenty-five ashtangis who find themselves living so far from any of the advanced teachers. I’m sure David can and does teach in much bigger venues, but Suzanne asked him to come to Durham and he said Yes. I think that’s incredibly cool.
On my last morning, this morning, I arrived already tired, sad it was the last one, relieved it was the last one, the whole nine yards. Suzanne overheard me muttering to myself, “I can do this, I can do this….” and she laughed and said, “you know, it’s okay to go up there and do a half primary. You don’t have to go for a gold medal.” One eyebrow lifts. “A silver or bronze will do.”
[Insert clumsily photoshopped image of me on the Olympic winner's dais, HERE. I've got the bronze medal, and I'm proud as all get out. The six-foot blond god can have the gold. He totally deserves it.]
THANK YOU, DAVID!
*All quotes are paraphrases from memory. All mistakes are my own and are happily corrected if you were there and can set me straight.
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today's yoga practice
- friday
May 11, 2012 | 10:09 am…and now we come to lady’s holiday. the weakest week of yoga that ever barely happened.
- thursday
May 11, 2012 | 9:09 amprimary to navasana. can’t seem to get past freaking navasana this week. at least I’m on the mat.
- wednesday
May 11, 2012 | 9:08 amprimary to navasana with Maria’s vid.
- tuesday
May 11, 2012 | 9:08 amSKIP. Shame.
- monday
May 11, 2012 | 9:07 amprimary to navasana. am I back in the saddle?
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Archive for today's yoga practice »
- friday
upcoming book releases
a few greatest hits
- how to build a yurt (1 of 10)
- the emotional insanity of writing
- lucille ball moment
- bikini power vs. the ratty sweater
- the source of my power
- screen time for fun and profit
- remains of the play
- crafts for karma
- triple chocolate pudding goop, or, this way lies madness
- writing without pencil sharpening
- the yip-yips do not cause childhood obesity
- the TOOL shed
- the incredible hulk invades the yurt
- going all erin brockovich on your ass
- the power of mom’s day can melt even the most bitter of hearts, not that my heart is bitter, but it has gotten a bit crusty around the edges
- welcome to mayaland's virtual macabre crawfish feast of death!
- spike and buffy got screwed--now with proof! (part 1)
- living the tie-dyed life
- bad things come in threes. or fours. (or maybe fives?)
- recycling other people's junk
"Dusi's Wings" April, 2003. . . .
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