internet orgies are good for you. really.

I woke up this morning with the song of angels in my head.  I took Henry out for a poop and the whole world looked gorgeous, the birds sang, the dogwoods bloomed, spring sparkled…I felt so grand I put on party clothes, not the cocktail party kind, not the birthday party kind, but the internet party kind: pajamas.  Specifically my cupcakes lounge pants and my semi-translucent (i.e. can’t wear it out of the house) dragonfly tank-top with the dragonfly stamp that Sophie made when she was seven, that’s right I’m wearing pink cupcakes as I type these words, because the majestic internet has returned to me, blessings be to the almighty web.pants2

Looking back on our near month of no internet, I see that I fell into a depression.  It can be summed up in two words: why bother.  I felt dumb for being so affected by such a dumb first world problem, but I was.  I was on the cusp of giving my Japanese study (no kanji SRS), my yoga practice (no yoga blogs, no how-to videos, no inspiration), my writing was suffering (full of XXX where I needed to do a piece of research), home schooling life was on hold (no looking shit up 100 times a day). etc, and by the end I said to Paul, “If this goes on much longer, I’m just going to have to give up my old life.”  Because I couldn’t do my old life without internet and it was too exhausting to try to limpingly keep it going with internet cafes.  I was pathetic, it’s true.

I wonder what new life I would have come up with?  Maybe I would have grown vegetables and learned calligraphy.  Maybe I would have Walked the Earth.

But now we’ll never know because I’m texting, I’m emailing, I’m blogging, I’m looking shit up, one of my favorite activites—information and art, give it to me now!  Shovel it in till I’m groggy and bloodshot!  The new interent connection is 12 Mbps, wow, it is so fast, videos load in a second, it’s amazing.  Now finally I will find out the etymology of umbrella, where you punch someone to kill them in one hit, and why backbendspring2011rainbows are curved.  These are some of the questions on the long piece of paper the kids and I added to every time we wanted to look something up but couldn’t.  Today, we will start working down the list.  There are 127 items to go.

Here’s a question: why do the fuckers at internet tech support goad you by saying in chirpy recorded voices, “for faster service, check our website at ….”  WHEN YOU’RE CALLING BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO INTERNET???

But who cares because today, I’m so happy I could sing.  Sophie says, “What’s with you?  You’re wearing pink.”  Luc answers, without looking up from his ipad, “It’s cause of the internet.” Knowing nod.  “Oooh.”   Is this stupid or what?  Maybe it’s addiction.  I kind of don’t believe in addiction, but maybe I’m wrong, maybe this is it.  If so, Imma gonna die addicted.  They can pry my internet out of my cold dead fingers.

 

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