Look what we made!
OMG it’s SO CUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!
But seriously, here’s how we really feel:
It all started because I wanted a hat like Lain from the anime, Serial Experiments Lain. Here’s the hat in question:
It’s a bear hat. That’s right, I wanted a fucking bear hat. What are you looking at?
So, of course, I trip on over to Youtube to find out how to make one and Sophie and I end up watching this:
It isn’t a Lain hat, but damn if it isn’t cute. And Sophie apparently agrees because she looks at me, wide eyed, and says “THAT HAT. I MUST HAVE IT.”
To the sewing machine! Actually, to the fabric store, first, where we also purchase brown for my (upcoming) bear hat and slinky black for a cloak for Luc. That place was seriously overwhelming.
So we made most of the hat, the ears, the fur outer layer, plus the pink fleece Sophie picked for the inner layer, and then we realized it was too small. Seriously too small. No no no, the crushing defeat of sewing FAIL.
What could we do then, but MAKE A SECOND HAT. As Fire Lord Zuko says, even though you will probably fail, over and over and over, you have to try every time. So we did.
Success! The second hat is the hat in the photo, much much better. We gave the first hat to a friend of ours who has a two year old. She is adorable in it. Take that, too small hat!
But here is the main thing about making a plush hat: FAKE FUR SHEDS. A LOT.
We were simply covered in silky, polyester fibers, all stuck to us with static electricity like that fur was in love with us and was going to hump us until we were dead. All over our faces, in our eyes, our noses, all over our clothes. It was SO TICKLY. And itchyitchyitchyitchy. AAAAAARRRRRGGGG!!!!! Did you know that fake fur fibers have been banned from use as a torture device at Guantanamo, by International Decree? We were coughing and batting at clouds of the stuff in the air, trying to sew through a blizzard of sticky, tickly fibers like EPIC FUCKING HEROES. There was no relief because it was hopeless to try to get it out of my mouth or eyes because I just ended up putting more on. We used wet wash clothes and then DUCT TAPE to lift it off our noses so we could push on. “Save yourself!” I said to Sophie at one point. My black pants were completely white and furry by the end. If I ever tried to do it again, I would wear protective gear, I am not kidding even one little bit. CRAZY.
But. We survived. And lived to tell you about it.
In case you want to try this at home….
1) As I mentioned, our first hat was TOO SMALL. I realized that the gal in the video doesn’t add seam allowances to the side pieces. We added several inches to each of her measurements on the second hat and got a shape that works.
2) Wear a mask and maybe goggles. Possibly a haz-mat suit.
3) We had to reset the ears twice to get them where Sophie wanted them, so pay attention to how they stick out when you are putting them in to avoid extra steps.
Sophie and I took a big bubble bath to get the fibers off, each of us wearing a too-small bear hat. That was pretty much fun.
Tub Bears Unite!
I wonder if this photo is too much for the internet. I mean, all you have here are a couple of little heads. But there is this idea that behind that cast iron tub, we’re totally nekkid! What do you think? Should I take this down? I can’t decide.
Later that evening, after the bath, I asked Sophie—who was still wearing the hat, eating an apple on the bed, watching tv, basically basking in Post Hat-Making Glory—to help me clean something up and she said, without looking at me, “I’m a bear and I’m not going to do it.” HAHAHAHAHAHA! I see it all so clearly now. The hat was all part of her devious plan!
What is it about hats that makes them so cute? We may never know.
Full Questionable Content strip here…and don’t miss the previous two strips where Hanners and Marigold first fall under the sway of the little hats….