invasion of the green smoothies

I just ate a head of Romaine lettuce.  SHOCKER.  But hang on—yesterday I had a bunch of kale, and the day before, an entire bunch of CHARD.  Go ahead and fall over.  I’ll get the smelling salts.

Clearly I have turned to the dark side.

I have previously mentioned my Iron Man drink, and, well, I suppose this is just an extension of that, but I’ve started drinking green smoothies for breakfast.  I’ve got Sophie and Paul in on it, too, although Luc sits at a safe distance and mocks us while eating his bowl of Honey Os. If it’s a disease, we’ve all got it, all of us but Luc—he’s always had the strongest immune system.  I’ve just been so tired, and I’ve got this perpetual runny nose since the weather started getting colder and I can’t stand it.  So, thought I, maybe I should eat better.  Maybe if I ate some greens.


But, no, really, green smoothies are cool.  Basically, you grind up a bunch of some kind of greens, plus some fruit—apples, bananas, pears, berries, whatever—in a blender.  The resulting slurry is bright green in color, but tastes like fruit.  It’s basically an end run around your taste buds.  Because greens are disgusting, and I stand by that.

Seriously, if you do it right, you can’t taste the spinach, kale, parsley, lettuce, or grass-clippings, at all.  It’s a freaking miracle.   Another miracle is that it just so happens that twenty years ago I came into a Vita-Mix, sort of the Cadillac of blenders—I think the new ones are four or five hundred bucks, holy shit—and here I happen to have one lying around.  It’s super powerful so it busts open the cell-walls of the greens or something insane like that.  All I know is that it’s really loud.  And it makes great smoothies.  Of which I have made many, over the years, only never with greens.  Until now.

The only problem: produce is FREAKING EXPENSIVE.  Jesus, why can’t I eat government subsidized corn and wheat products for pennies compared to what it costs to pick up a bunch of dinosaur kale?  We’re going to try the farmer’s market next Saturday….

The first day Paul got up and saw me drinking this glass of green stuff, he stopped still and said, “Who are you and what have you done with my wife?”

This morning he said, “Woman, where is my smoothie?”

I dreamed last night that there weren’t any goats in the goat yard.  Instead there was a huge, beautiful garden out there, full of brilliant flowers and greens.

What will become of us?

6 thoughts on “invasion of the green smoothies

  1. CathyB

    Greens are easy to grow, Maya. You could plant some now, and with some season-extending tricks I could show you, you could pick greens until heavy winter weather arrives (if it arrives). If you want to discuss this further, just let me know.

    And welcome to the GREEN side. 🙂

    1. maya Post author

      CATHY. You are SUCH a bad influence on me. I mean good influence. And so generous with your gardening! Can you really see me gardening???? ME? Well, it might come to that. We are putting out something like 25 bucks a weeks right now for freaking GREENS. This is madness. We’re going to the farmer’s market as soon as I get a free second, hopefully cheaper there, but I might have to take you up on your offer or else green smoothies will bankrupt us.

  2. Pingback: The Planted Teaspoon » Labret Piercing Forced Fast

  3. Pingback: taste bud transmogrification | mayaland

  4. Pingback: moka pot madness, or, mastering the glorious cafe cubano, or, coffee as sweet as my husband | mayaland

  5. Pingback: change your entire relationship to food, plus diet and yoga | mayaland

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *