yoga dreams

Yoga dreams seem to be going around the Cyber Shala lately.  (Here’s one from Grimmly that made me smile.)  Last night I joined in the fun and dreamed that I was doing Primary, ah, my beloved Primary, with full foreward bends and NO hamstring pain.  Oh, it was so wonderful to be stretched out in Paschimottanasa, resting my forehead on my shins, just as I used to.  No pain, none, just that delicious stretch.  Or the one with palms on the soles of the feet?  I adore that one.  Sob!  In the dream I was just folding my right leg into half lotus for Ardha Baddha Paschi and I suddenly remembered my injury and I freaked out, certain that I had surely reinjured myself, what with all these foreward bends that have been Strictly Forbidden Territory for me for a while now.  Oh no! thought I.  I’ve just added another months to my recovery!  Then I woke up.

Sigh.  I miss Primary.  But it’s okay, I’ve been working on Intermediate instead (with many modifications, natch, and no leg behind the head).  As a result my back seems to actually be loosening up by minute degrees, a freaking miracle.  I’ve also been holding Up Dog in vinyasa (actually, I’ve been doing Cobra instead, a la David Williams) for five breaths, and this gentle, but frequent back bend is making all the difference, I think.

Check it.  Here I was in July:

Here I am today:

There’s some movement there.  It’s not much, but it’s something.  I can see the wall behind me now a bit, where I could just see the ceiling.  My spine is not, apparently, completely rusted into position.  And recall that when I started I could not bend backwards at all.  Not one degree back.  So, I’m feeling pretty good about this.  I’ll do another test shot in six months.

Anyway, I’m clinging to these things and trying to be grateful that I don’t have some horrible disease or a broken bone.  It’s just a tendon tear.  I can deal with this.

I’m terrified of testing little hammy out, though.  Every now and then I get on a cleaning binge and pick up a million toys from the floor and a few hours later my hamstring is just aching.  CRAP, I think to myself.  Now I probably have to start healing all over again.  I swear, picking up toys right now is my NUMBER ONE repetitive use injury.  Forget my full ashtanga practice, it’s picking up toys that is fucking me up.

My bff says I need one of those gripper things, what Luc calls a Robot Hand, a device that will allow me to pick up things without bending over.  Maybe I’ll just get a clapper light-off while I’m at it, and some bifocals.  Sheesh.

The hamstring is definitely better, though, as I no longer have a constant, distracting ache making me, at times, a grumpy bitch.  Instead I have an occasional dim ache that frightens me. How long do I go on like this?  It’s been six weeks since I quit primary.  If picking up toys makes it hurt, then it would seem it isn’t ready for an Uttanasana, right?  Even a half-way uttanasana?  Actually I kind of do half-way Utts now, putting hands on knees when called to do a standing forward bend in the Surys.  That seems to fly okay.  Do I try moving my hands an inch lower every couple of days or weeks until, presumably, I get my palms back down to the floor?  Do I not do anything for three months, preventing re-injury of new, and therefore delicate, tissue?  Have I waited long enough and it’s time to get back in there?

I just want it to be healed.  I want the yoga of my dream back.