what could be wrong with free condoms?

I just learned that my town has a Condomobile. I’m serious! I guess it’s like the Pope-mobile, only… different. Or maybe more like the ice cream truck? I think they go around delivering condoms and the good message of safe sex. From the literature: “the goal is to break down the stigma of sexual issues by addressing them openly, in a lighthearted and responsible manner.” So that’s cool, right? I TRIED to get a picture for you, but failed, so you’ll have to imagine a van, emblazoned with messages such as “Stay Safe—Protect Yourself!” I admit, it took several tries for me to grok the whole concept. But remember when Sal on Doonesbury started a bicycle condom delivery service under the name of “Dr. Whoopee?” Maybe the Condomobile is like that?

Rumor has it that they tried to get the Condomobile into the Christmas parade, but were soundly rejected. Paraphrasing loosely, the reason was something along the lines of, ‘we can’t have condoms being tossed out to the kids along with the Christmas Candy.’ Well, okay, but what if they didn’t toss out condoms, just rode along and waved? They wouldn’t even have wear condom-costumes or anything. Hey, the Rape Crisis Center has a truck in the Christmas Parade, why not the Condomobile? Let’s celebrate the good times as well as the bad! I’m just saying.

Oddly, ‘condomobile’ has another meaning. From urbandictionary:

condomobile n.

1. The car a jock asshole uses to bone everyone’s girlfriend in. Mainly used by the rocker kids whose girlfriends are getting banged by said jock asshole.

Well. Who said English isn’t a flexible language?

And finally, here is the Fabulous Condom Song. No dirty words, but really, you must listen to this. It will make you laugh, and laughter is good.

Have a condom today!

ETA: 8/3/2009 The page that hosts the condom song seems to have been hacked. Google is blocking it. I hope they get it fixed soon! It’s an awesome song.