luc the merciful

Luc (3 years old): Sophie took my ginger snap.

Me: [Making lunch] Shall I smite her?

Luc: [serious expression] What is smite?

Me: It’s when you flatten someone, just totally wipe them out, then maybe eat their bones on toast. Usually a god or a goddess does it.

Luc: Oh. [Ponders this.] How do you smite?

Me: Well, lightening is traditional. A really big hammer can work. Or maybe a plague of locusts. Locusts are a kind of flying bug.

Luc: Oh. What’s a plague?

Me: Um, a plague is a whole lot of something bad.

Luc: Oh. I have a hammer.

Me: Yes, you do.

Luc: [Ponders some more.] No, no, I don’t want you to smite Sophie.

Me: Okay. No smiting. That’s very merciful of you.

Luc: What’s mershee—mersee?

Me: Merciful. It’s when you’re nice to someone who has made a mistake. Instead of punishing them. You show them mercy.

Luc: Oh. Do I have mercy?

Me: Yes. If you want to.

Luc. Okay. Then I want to do the mercy and I want you to give Sophie her own cookie. I want, I want you to get my cookie back. Because it’s mine. But you can give her her own cookie. I just want mine back.

Me: Okay. [Finishing up what I was making.]

Luc: You’re taking too long.

Me: Okay, okay. I’m hurrying. [Wiping my hands.]

Luc: If you don’t go get my cookie back right now, I’m going to smite you with my hammer!

Me: Oh crap! I didn’t know you knew how to smite! I’d better get on it.

Luc: [Very pleased with himself.] I just learned how because you told me. Now get me my cookie or I’ll eat your bones on toast.