triple chocolate pudding goop, or, this way lies madness

I have discovered the most amazing-gooey-triple-chocolate-orgasm recipe in this universe. Maybe all universes. Except for that weird one with all the shrimp. Anyway, this is chocolaty madness in a bowl, impossible to resist, instantly fattening, gross and wonderful, in the way eating cake batter can make you feel sinful in the best possible way. This is NOT some nifty desert to make for a party. This is something to mix up in the middle of the night to ward off depression. Best eaten warm, out of the pot, with a spoon, while talking to your best friend on the phone. It’s kind of like fudge pudding, or maybe liquid brownies, or maybe some kind of gooey, chewy, crispy ice-cream topping. But however you do it, I kid you not: this is the real thing.

Get ready. Get set. Go!

1- Preheat your oven to 300 degrees.

2- Beat together:

2 eggs

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

3- Melt 1 stick of butter (I use the microwave)

4- Add to the melted butter, 2-3 heaping tablespoons of the best cocoa money can buy. Or the cheap stuff. Whatever you’ve got at two in the morning will work.

5- Add the cocoa/butter mixture to the other stuff and mix well.

6- Finally add 1 running over teaspoon of vanilla.

Now, a decision, and the answer will depend on how badly you are suffering. Eat it now, raw? Or wait 50 minutes for it to cook? Some of both? (That’s usually my choice.)

7- Pour whatever batter you can manage to separate yourself from into a loaf pan and place the pan into another pan with an inch of water in it. Then put this whole pan-within-the-pan arrangement into the oven.

It will take 45-50 minutes for the top to reach optimal crunchiness to contrast with the oozing chocolate goo of the middle. Don’t over cook! You want the middle to be gooey, trust me!

Ding! The oven bell goes off. Thank the Diva of Chocolate and all her Attending Goddesses!

But now, the hardest part. Waiting for it to cool enough to eat. Don’t burn your mouth! I will not be held responsible for burned mouths!

Okay, prepare for your eyes to bug out of your head on that first bite. Put a clean bowl nearby to catch them. Go ahead and order a larger size of pants, so that they have time to arrive by the time you are scraping the pot clean with your fingernails. Don’t be like me and start sucking it off my children’s dirty shirt fronts on the way to the laundry basket, because that’s just gross. But do prepare for losing your mind. If you like chocolate. And if you don’t like chocolate, I don’t want to know. Some kinds of perversity are just too far.

And no, I don’t have a photo. Taking a picture would require that I have some of this stuff sitting around that I am not currently eating. Not possible. And besides, this isn’t about presentation. It’s about need. Now, go forth. Triple chocolate orgasms await you.